.non: (pronounced "dot-non" aka: "dot-crap"): A
dot-com company who looks like they do e-commerce but is really just a product
catalog with a phone number at the bottom.
3-Dub: A shorthand pronunciation of WWW.
3D Help: Printed help manuals. As opposed to 2D Help which appears on a
computer monitor as on-line help.
404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web message "404,
URL Not Found," meaning that the document you've tried to access can't be
located. "Don't bother asking him...he's 404."
ABM: Anything But Microsoft. The attitude taken by hardcore UNIX and Java
people who only run non-Microsoft software, no matter how bad or expensive it
is.
ADK: Acronym used to describe Microsoft's hiring strategy. Stands for
Attract, Develop, and Keep employees.
Adminisphere: The rarified organizational layers beginning just above the
rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly
inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Alias: E-mail name for individual or group, mostly used for the latter.
E-mail names for Microsoft employees generally combine their given name with the
first letter of their surname and are often used in conversation to save time.
"I sent mail to BillG today, but he hasn't replied."
Alpha: The first complete build of an application. Alphas are generally
so fragile and buggy that they rarely work, but they are announced to give the
impression that progress is being made.
Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an
office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."
App: Shortened form of application and synonym for program. Applications
are a set of instructions encoded in software which instructs the computer
hardware to manipulate or display data. "I heard a rumor that Mango is a
killer app."
Argot: Sometimes considered the specialized language of the underworld,
argot also refers to any subcultural language that is known only to insiders,
whether they're Microsoft employees, rappers, surfers, or teenagers. When a
number of different subcultures begin using a particular word, it becomes slang.
Author: Person who assembles various multimedia components: text, audio,
graphics. Not to be confused with a traditional author in fiber media, who is
known in cybermedia as a content provider. Tr.v. -thored, thoring, thors.
"You'll need to wait, Sue is authoring that story."
Bandwidth: Amount of time or brain cells available for handling a task.
BEC: Bill and the Executive Committee (the name that replaced BOOP in
1996)
Beepilepsy: The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers
go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy
facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.
BENOFTMUE: (ben-ofta-moo) noun: Big event no one foresaw that messes up
everything (Usage: Due to the recent BENOFTMUE, our group had to reorg again.)
Beta: First step beyond Alpha. An application released to Testing so it
can find and fix as many bugs as possible. As more and more bugs are fixed,
updated Beta builds—called Release Candidates (RC1, RC2, etc.)—are created.
Big R/Little r: This is a legacy from the days of Xenix Mail, where the
letter R was used to Reply to e-mail. An upper-case R represented a reply all,
while a lower-case r sent a reply just to the sender. To this day, you'll see
many old-timers still include this reference in e-mail, e.g. "Get back to
me on this issue by COB tomorrow - little r please."
Binary Problem: A method of paring down an often complex issue to a
two-possible-solutions scenario (yes or no, 1 or 0, stop or go, etc.).
Bio Break: Recess in a meeting for biological purposes such as restroom
or smokes.
Black Hole: A project requiring infinite amounts of effort, time, and
resources. In other words, most Microsoft projects.
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was
missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Blibbet: The name of the O-like symbol in the original Microsoft logo.
Memorialized in the "Save the Blibbet" campaign and honored by the
"Blibbet Burger."
Blowing a Buffer: Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person
you are speaking with won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just said
something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. "Damn, I just blew
my buffer!"
Blue Badge: An official Microsoft employee, not a contractor. The
security badge for Microsoft employees features a blue border, whereas the badge
for contractors is bright orange.
Blues-and-Whites: Generic CD-R disks, preprinted in blue and white with a
Microsoft logo. Program managers have been heard saying, "Let's not let
this external beta go out on blue-and-whites. I want it to look good!"
Boat Anchor: Unused, obsolete CPU kept around to leverage acquisition of
a new machine at the beginning of the fiscal year. "Fred's office floor was
cluttered with boat anchors." See also doorstop.
Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down
on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.
Bogosity: Attribute of things bogus.
Bookmark: To take note of a person for future reference (a metaphor
borrowed from web browsers). "I bookmarked him after seeing his cool demo
at Siggraph."
BOOP: Acronym for "Bill and the Office of the President," the
most senior management team at the company. As of 12/3/96 it has been replaced
with the Executive Committee.
Brain Fart: A by-product of a bloated mind producing information
effortlessly. A burst of useful information. "I know you're busy on the
Microsoft story, but can you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?"
Variation of old hacker slang that had more negative connotations.
Bucket: A virtual container in which tasks can be dumped. "Stick that
interface issue in Ed's bucket." Sometimes, a container in which
low-priority concepts can be consigned. "Toss that simple exit function in the
feature bucket; we don't have the bandwidth to do it this build."
Bug: Any problem (valid or not) reported against a product and entered
into our Raid database. This is different from industry standard usage in which
only valid problems (ones that are actually fixed) are counted as bugs. This
difference in usage can cause significant confusion when discussing metrics with
outside folks, and can lead to an impression that Microsoft products have more
bugs than they actually do.
Bug: All-purpose term for mistake, error, glitch. Standard usage for the
industry; now fairly widespread throughout the computer-literate world.
Burning Cycles: Wasting time and effort.
Buttoned Down: Tight, clean, well thought through. A high compliment.
Cant: Often used as a synonym for argot. The specialized language of the
underworld. Once known as "thieves" Latin: it's a conversational idiom
that's usually understood only by members of a particular subgroup, in this
case criminals.
Career-Limiting Move (CLM): Any action taken that would most likely get
you fired or seriously demoted. Trashing your boss while he or she is within
earshot is a serious CLM.
CGI Joe: A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and
charisma of a plastic action figure.
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee
headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
Chair Trap: When you trap yourself in your office chair by accidentally
hitting the pneumatic seat adjustment causing it to drop suddenly, therefore
locking your legs under your chair.
Chip Jewelry: A euphemism for old computers destined to be scrapped or
turned into decorative ornaments. "I paid three grand for that Mac SE, and
now it's nothing but chip jewelry."
Chips and Salsa: Chips = hardware, salsa = software. "Well, first we
gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."
Cobweb Site: A World Wide Web site that hasn't been updated for a long
time. A dead Web page.
Code Bloat: The resultant growth of systems resource requirements such as
processor speed and disk and memory space, caused by the addition of features
and functionality in software. See also useless fluff.
Code Warrior: A developer; a writer of code; the building block of
traditional Microsoft success.
COM-plicate: To simplify code design by heavy use of COM (Common Object
Model).
Content Provider: A fancy name for a writer.
Context Switch: As in a meeting. "Let's context switch to the next
issue."
Cool: Basically employed in the same mildly hip way as in general slang,
but overused vastly out of proportion to its applicability. Origin of this
practice is unknown but it is all-pervasive, up to the loftiest levels.
Copy Protection: Spayin or Neutering, such as, Janet just had her cat
copy-protected.
Cost Beast: Refers to cost cutting strategy. For example, "taming
the cost beast."
Crank Hoarder: One who keeps a supply of the cranks that are used to
adjust the height of ergo desks. During an office move, these cranks are often
in short supply.
Cranking against deliverables: Busting hump to keep up with the schedule
that the manager promised. "For the next month, we'll really be cranking
against deliverables."
Crapplet: A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just
wasted 30 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"
Crisp: Clear, concise, and compelling (the opposite of
"random.") "Our marketing message has to be totally crisp."
Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
Cubs: Playful, smart young Microsofties who are somewhat bashful with the
opposite sex and haven't quite grown into their paws.
Cycles: 1) Time, resource, and effort that ought not to be wasted.
"Let's not waste any cycles on something that doesn't matter." 2) A
portion of one's capacity to perform work. "Do you have any cycles to burn
on the Gizmo driver?" Cycles, as applied to humans do not necessarily
correspond to scheduled portions of the workday, but rather an expenditure of
brain effort that may well be interleaved with other activities.
Dancing Baloney: Little animated GIFs and other Web F/X that are useless
and serve simply to impress clients. "This page is kinda dull. Maybe a
little dancing baloney will help."
Dead Tree Edition: The paper version of a publication available in both
paper and electronic forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San
Francisco Chronicle..."
Death March: The final phase of product development in which people
commit long days and weekends, sleep on couches, and eat catered meals (for
example, Windows 95 had a six-month death march).
Dependency: A necessity; something that has to work right or come through
for a larger project to be accomplished. Variants: Zero-Dependency (does not
affect the project in question); Key Dependency: a really necessary necessity.
Dilberted: To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the
experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been
dilberted again. My boss just revised the specs for the fourth time this
week."
Doc: Casual, widespread abbreviation of "document." "Did you
read that doc I sent out in mail?"
Dogfood: Software code not fit for public consumption but good enough for
internal purposes, very unrefined and buggy (that is, full of bugs), but
containing the basic nutrients. "It's time for us to eat our own dog
food."
Door Dorks: People who stand in your doorway to talk with you, rather
than entering your office. Perhaps they are too shy to come in, or they know the
doorway is the safest place in the event of an earthquake.
Doorstop: A computer that is no longer considered fast enough or to
contain insufficient storage, etc. for use in normal work. All 286's and 386's
are doorstops. Most 486's are now doorstops. Soon we'll see Pentium doorstops.
Doortag Browsing: The act of browsing nametags on doors while in a
different building, in the hopes of spotting someone famous (or maybe just
somebody you've conversed with frequently via e-mail, but never met).
Dorito Syndrome: Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by
addictive substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours
surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome."
Downlevel Story: The anticipated effect of a new code release on existing
versions of the application. Used in reference to web pages optimized for the
latest browser when viewed on legacy browsers.
Drill Down: To delve deeply into the core of an issue, rather than deal
with it in a superficial manner; to analyze the details. To learn more about a
subject.
Drinking from a Fire Hose: To get overwhelmed with the amount of
information being presented.
Drive: To push; to captain the initiative on a particular issue or
project. "Who's driving this meeting?"
Drop: A release of a product or documentation set. "We will roll out
a beta drop of the authoring tool next month."
Drop Point: The share to which the release files are copied when
completed.
Eat Your Own Dog Food: Use the product you're developing in your
day-to-day operations.
Egosurfing: Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers
looking for the mention of your name.
Elvis Year: The peak year of something's popularity. "Barney the
dinosaur's Elvis year was 1993."
EOD: (Sometimes lower-cased.) Endemic TLA meaning "end of day."
"I need your take-away from the off-site by EOD tomorrow."
EOM: (Often lower-cased.) "End of message." Appended to subject
line of e-mail to indicate that no further communication is forthcoming and that
the recipient has no need to read any further. With the auto preview feature,
this is anachronistic for some new users." "Out Sick Today. eom"
Exposure: The responsibilities of a person or group related to a specific
project. "Our exposure is the client-side documentation." By
implication, vulnerable, unprotected areas that management could attack if given
the opportunity; those areas for which one's ass is not covered.
Eyeballs: Users of a Web site (a vague equivalent of listeners to a radio
station).
Facemail: Technologically backward means of communication, clearly
inferior to voicemail or e-mail. Involves actually walking to someone’s office
and speaking to him or her face to face.
Fiber Media: Material printed on archaic paper. Used disparagingly.
“Yeah, I used to be a writer in fiber media, but now I'm a content provider
in cybermedia.”
Fire Drill: A crisis (usually imagined) that requires immediate and
sustained attention. "Sorry I'm late honey, but we had another one of Pat's
fire drills."
Fish Bowl: Unused, obsolete monitor kept around to leverage acquisition
of a new monitor at the beginning of the fiscal year. See also boat anchor,
doorstop.
Fish tank: (Historical, not in current usage.) When IBM was getting ready
to ship their 286 versions of the PC, Microsoft had to keep the prerelease
versions of those machines in a locked windowless room. IBM gave every company
who was working with those machines a unique code name to use when talking about
it in an effort to trace press leaks. Our code name for the machines was Salmon.
When someone needed to work with these machines for debugging, they would say
"I'm going to the fish tank." or "I'll be in the fish tank."
Flame Mail: Slang term for rude electronic mail. Bill Gates, Microsoft
chairman, is said to be famous for the flame mail he sends to employees who
don't perform according to his liking. Mr. Gates is famous for flame mail sent
by him between midnight and 2:00 AM.
Flight Risk: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to
leave a company or department soon.
FlopNet: To transfer data between two computers using a floppy disk.
Usage started in the early days of MS-Net (the forerunner of LanManager) when
the network software was not all that reliable. "The server crashed again!
Looks like I'll have to use the FlopNet!"
Forget You, I'm Vested! (FYIV!):: The Microsoft version of "Take
this job and shove it!" "You want me to work 25 hours a day fixing
your mess? FYIV buddy!" Additional note: this is the polite and rarely used
translation of this acronym.
Freeze: Point in a project's timespan after which no more changes can
be permitted. Or, the point in product development after which the answer to all
great new ideas is "no."
Generate Content: Writing. "We'll need to hire some content providers
to generate content by Milestone 1."
Glazing: Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular
pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice that
half the room was glazing by the second session?"
Going Ballistic: Losing control, blowing up, venting one's anger and
frustration in a fairly violent manner.
Going Forward: Synonymous with "moving on"; phrase used to express
impatience with comments deemed irrelevant or distracting. "Going forward,
what kind of dev resources do we need to go live with this?"
Going/Gone/In the Dark: 1)Prolonged lack of communication with fellow
teammates about progress on a project. "Ben's gone dark." (meaning: We
haven't heard from Ben in awhile.) 2)Not in the "know." "I'm in
the dark." (meaning: I don't have a clue.)
Golden: As an adjective, describes a state of perfection, especially of
software. When software is ready to be shipped, you frequently hear Microsoft
people say "Everything is golden!". From this usage we started to call
the master disks for a product that is ready to go to manufacturing the
"Golden Masters." We call the process of approval for sending disks to
manufacturing "going golden."
GOOD Job: A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people
take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they
are solvent again.
Granular: Generally, and rather peculiarly, used in tandem with the verb
"to get," as in "We need to get granular on this issue," meaning to
examine the fine details. To get granular one needs, it goes without saying, to
drill down.
Granularity: Getting down fine enough that nothing superfluous gets in
your way. A granular analysis of a problem breaks it down into fine enough parts
that each can be handled on its own.
Gray Matter: Older, experienced business people hired by young
entrepreneurial firms looking to appear more reputable and established.
Graybar Land: The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's
processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the
screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed like hours, thanks to that
CAD rendering."
Grok: To understand. Forms...grokable, groking, groked. Additional note:
grok originally came from Robert Heinlein's sci-fi book "Stranger in a
Strange Land." This was a word that the hero (who was raised by Martians)
would use to indicate that he understood something completely and deeply.
GUI: (pronounced gooey) Acronym for Graphical User Interface. GUIs allow
people to navigate through applications and documents on computers using
graphical icons and buttons. Popularized in the 1980s, GUIs allow users to open
applications by clicking on icons with a mouse rather than typing commands on a
keyboard.
Handoff: Upon conclusion of one's contributions to a project, giving up
control and authority over that project to another person. "In case you're
tempted, absolutely do not get into your files after hand-off without discussing
with editors first."
Hard-core: To be totally committed, totally focused, totally resolved to
meet a goal. Hard-core about that approach. We were hard-core
Hash out/Flesh out: To work out the details of a plan. "Let's hash
out the details later." "She's busy fleshing out the spec."
Heads Up: A warning. "A heads up for UE: the spec is changing
again."
Heads-down: A person or team that is totally engrossed in their project,
causing them often to be oblivious to the world around them. "The test team
is totally heads-down right now."
Hell Call: A telephone support call to a PSS support engineer from an
irate customer who requires immediate de-escalation.
Hit: A negative impact; an overloading of resources, especially manpower.
"Tweaking the SLM structure would be a big hit on the Trolls."
Hosed: Totally screwed or technically disabled. Usually used in reference
to a malfunctioning computer app or program. Generally personalized - "I'm
hosed" rather than "This is hosed."
Hungarian or Hungarian Notation: A notational method for naming data
types, data structures and fields and procedures invented by Charles Simonyi.
Simonyi was lead developer for the application groups from 1980 thru 1988 and
introduced the usage of this notation in Microsoft application development
groups during this whole period. The notation was called Hungarian since Charles
was a native of Hungary. Virtually every application that started development
within Microsoft (not purchased and brought in house) uses this notation. To
request the name of some kind of programming object, programmers using the
notation typically say "Can you give me the hungarian for that? Note:
Hungarian tags were typically two, three or four character sequences that were
pronounced if possible and spelled out if not.
IAYF: Acronym for Information at Your Fingertips, a famous phrase first
spoken by BillG at Comdex.
Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators
running.
Irritainment: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but
you find yourself unable to stop watching them.
It Boots, Let's Ship It!:: No software bugs prevented the computer from
starting up, so maybe we're done!
It's a Feature: From the adage "It's not a bug, it's a
feature." Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience that you
wish to gloss over.
Iteration: Version, generation, refinement, etc. Conforms to standard
dictionary definition but still strikes a singularly unpleasant and jarring note
when used in common parlance. "That issue will come up in future
iterations."
Jargon: Synonym for "shop talk." The technical or specialized
language of specific occupations and professions. At its purest level, jargon is
inscrutable except to those individuals who work in that particular field, like
most of the terms in this doc.
Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on
computer keyboards. "Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has
a bad case of keyboard plaque."
Keyboard Vittles: The food particles that are in the crevasses of your
keyboard. A little snack to save for later.
Kludge: (other possible spellings: klugey, clugey, klugy, kludgey;
pronounced "CLUE-gee"): A hardware solution that has been improvised
from various mismatched parts. A slang word meaning makeshift, inefficient,
inelegant. A kludge can also be in software. It may not be elegant and is
probably only a temporary fix. As in, "That patch to the software is a real
kludge."
Lake Bill: The majestic body of water between Buildings 1, 2, 3, and 4. A
noted snow geese, goldfish, and rooster habitat, this is also the site of boss-dunkings,
Ballmer swims, and juggling practice.
Let's Take This Off-Line: Let's talk about this later, after the
meeting.
Leverage: To take advantage of; capitalize on. "Let's leverage the
publicity hit we got from the Wired article into the marketing strategy for the
Web site."
Link Rot: The process by which links on a Web page became as obsolete as
the sites they're connected to change location or die.
Liveware: Slang for people. Also called wetware or jellyware, as opposed
to hardware, software, and firmware.
Low Hanging Fruit: Management expression for the most available and
easy-to-accomplish objectives. "We don't need original sample code. Go for
the low hanging fruit."
Mail Thread: A sequence of e-mail messages dealing with a single issue,
in which a question is asked or a situation is posed and a handful or dozens or
hundreds of people who have been included in the mail can throw in their
electronic two cents' worth.
Meeting Seconds: Compressed minutes, such as, 1. Bob is going to Taiwan.
2. No new showstopper bugs. 3. Pizza was late. See "Net".
Mickey: Smallest measurable unit of mouse movement. Coined by ChrisP ca.
1982. Now part of external documentation in the Microsoft Programmer's
Reference.
Microserf: Someone who works long hours at Microsoft. Not to be confused
with bachelors.
MicroSnooze: An affectionate term for the MicroNews. "Can you
believe the letters in this week's MicroSnooze?!"
Migrating: Moving; usually applied to movement to new systems or
programs. "This process will be migrating from Merismus to Mango next week."
Milestone: Semi-technical term for a predetermined point in the product
build at which certain goals have been met. Numbered, as in Milestone 1,
Milestone 2, etc. Often in reality more like millstones.
Mode: Frame of mind, usually denoting intense concentration. "Ed's in
crunch mode; they're in danger of slipping."
Monkey Testing: Giving a product to a novice without any intro/docs. From
the old American Tourister ads, where they 'monkey-tested' their luggage by
giving it to a gorilla to play with.
Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
Mousification: Term coined in 1988 to describe the adaptation of product
documentation to reflect that a user might use mouse clicks instead of
keystrokes to enter commands. "I've finished the mousification of part 1,
but Part 2 is still keyboard only."
MSFTomania: A persistent neurotic impulse to check the current Microsoft
stock price.
Multi Threaded: Able to do more than one thing at a time. This term is a
compliment and is the opposite of single threaded.
Munge Data: 1)To process content through some sort of syntax verification
cycle (such as word doc to sgml into a database and then into MediaView Ready
RTF). 2)Unfocussed processing of data.
Myte: 6 minutes (= 0.10 hours). Used by CSG for tracking hours worked.
Nav: Netscape Navigator, the competition to Microsoft Internet Explorer.
Net: To summarize. "I was really impressed by Jon's ability to net
the entire meeting down to four key points."
Net It Out: Give me the bottom line, or, get to the point. As in
"Net it out for me."
Net Storm: Unexplainable multiple network failures in a specific building
or region. Usually transient, but rarely fixed through human intervention.
"No one was able to get onto corpnet due to the net storm."
New Paradigm: Pompous way of essentially saying "unique." "This Web
site establishes a new paradigm on the Net."
Nimble: Agile, responsive, quick to react. Generally used to describe
small software companies, which tend to be able to make decisions and maneuver
quickly.
No-Op: 1) No effort required. No operation. A no-brainer. 2) A person who
does not perform. "Ted is a noop."
NOISe: Microsoft competitors (in 1998) Netscape, Oracle, IBM, Sun later
became Novell, Oracle, IBM, Sun
Nonlinear: Inappropriately intense negative response. "I told him we
didn't have any Starbucks' Gazebo Blend and he went totally nonlinear."
NRO: Next Release of Office. Used for a feature that can't be put into
the current shipping version, but which is flagged to go into NRO.
Nyetscape: Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.
ObFun: Obligatory Fun - Team-building exercises that are not optional,
usually scheduled on top of the normal team meetings.
Offline: Outside the confines of a mass meeting, so as not to take up the
time of attendees not directly concerned with an issue. "Let's take this
conversation offline." By extension, a synonym for "in private" or
"confidentially"; "Let's take this offline" equals "Let's talk
about this in private."
OGF: Overall Good Feelings or Overall Goodness Factor. Used to describe
the minimum consensus required in order to move forward on a project or to a new
feature.
Ohnosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that
you've just made a big mistake.
One-off: To have a meeting, conversation, e-mail message, about a subject
off the mainstream topic of focus of your job/project, or with someone that is
outside of your circle of co-workers. "I've been involved in a couple of
one-off meetings about the next beta." (Derived from e-mail addressing
where you compose a mail message to an address that is not part of the Global
Address List or directory).
OOF: A TLA that's turned into a word of its own. Stands for "out of
office," although as an accurate acronym it leaves something to be desired (OOO
would be more precise). Most frequently used as part of the phrases "OOF
mail" or "OOF notice," meaning an automatic e-mail response to
correspondents that the receiver will be out of the office for a designated
period of time.
Open the Kimono: Basically a somewhat sexist synonym for "open the
books," it means to reveal the inner workings of a project or company to a
prospective new partner.
Open-Collar Workers: People who work at home or telecommute.
Own: To take responsibility for an issue. Ownership is even more serious
than drivership; you can drive an issue without owning it, but it’s unlikely
that you would own it without also driving it (just like automobiles, in fact).
Pan-Galactic: Larger than world-wide in strategic context.
"Microsoft's Office has a truly pan-galactic market."
Parallel Processing: To do two things at once. "I'm parallel
processing both task A and B."
Party: Kick out the managers and add new features to a program,
especially after the deadline for adding new features has passed. Also used to
refer to what software does to memory and hard disks. "This new code
parties on the hard disk for a while and then locks up the system."
Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.
Perot: To quit unexpectedly. "My cellular phone just peroted."
Pimped: Screwed, hosed, stopped cold. "Tough luck, dude: Your
project just got pimped."
Ping: To send a brief e-mail. "I'll ping Jim about revising the
schedule." Derives from Internet jargon, where one computer can ping, or
send a message to, another computer, asking it to respond, to verify the
connection.
Plug-and-Play: A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new
guy, John, is great. He's totally plug-and-play."
PNAMBC: pronounced ""panambic"" An acronym meaning
"Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain. . Usually used for demos
that look like, but aren't really, the real product. It comes from
""The Wizard of Oz."""
Postal: Going postal is going over the edge emotionally, like the Postal
workers who vented their frustration on former bosses & co-workers (often
with high powered weapons).
Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube
farm and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
Process: The complex system devised to deal with a deliverable involving
tracing and documenting its progress through every stage of its development. The
ideal process structure personnel ratio consists of approximately five people
assigned to document the actual work of one person.
Puke: To fail spectacularly, especially application crashes. "Word
puked when it attempted to import this corrupt file."
Punt: 1) To avoid, to omit. In Microsoft context, one "Punts" a
feature in a product, or some other deliverable when it would be too difficult
to implement or produce. 2) Widely used as the demise of LAN Manager neared. The
LanMan 2.2 release contained mostly bug fixes--new features were "Put-off
Until NT" (PUNT-ed).
Push: To urge or bring pressure, without the weight of direct authority.
"Tech support is pushing for more sample code."
Push Back: Respond more forcefully to an unfavorable answer. If your
request for three new headcount for your project is denied by upper management,
you must push back with stronger reasons why you cannot possibly accomplish the
project without those three headcount.
Quality Bar: The remarkably flexible level of acceptability in a product.
Tends inexorably to drop as the pressure of an impending milestone, content
freeze, or other deadline builds.
Ramp Up: Technical term appropriated for general usage, meaning to gear
up, to reinforce and, in a sense, to gird oneself for greater effort. Can be
applied externally, as in ramping up resources for a new project, or internally,
as in "I've got to ramp up to deal with these Web issues."
Random: Epithet describing an idea that is poorly thought out or an
action that is ill considered. Most commonly used in the exclamation
"That's so random!" which Bill Gates uses frequently.
Randomize: To divert someone from their goal with tertiary tasks or
niggling details. "Marketing has totally randomized me by constantly
changing their minds about the artwork."
Real Person: An employee, as opposed to a contractor, temp, or intern.
Reality Distortion Field: In the MS product development process, it is
defined as follows: when a team, engrossed in its own magnificence, convinces
itself that impossible dates can be met, that enormously complex technical
problems are nothing to worry about, and the naysayers just "don't have the
religion." (From "Is Your Project Out of Control," by Chris
Williams).
Release Candidate or RC: The final release build and potential candidate
for RTM. Also known as "golden" code.
Reorg: An unattractive abbreviation for "reorganization." A frequent
phenomenon at monolithic corporations, where organizational structures are
revamped regularly to create the impression of flexibility. "People are
beginning to understand their jobs. Time for a reorg."
Repro: Short for reproducible. "Is that bug repro?" or
"How repro is it?"
Repurpose: Fairly useless neologism meaning to redesign for use in
another context. "We'll repurpose the reviews in the core product to use on
the Web site."
Resonate: To make sense or to appeal (to someone). "Does that
resonate with you?" "I'll send your proposal around and see how it
resonates."
Robust: In a vaguely Rubens-esque sense, a program or piece of code
that;s fully fleshed-out, strong, brimming with health so that bugs can't
survive. Increasingly often applied to more nebulous, theoretical concepts
(ideas, plans, specs, etc.)
Roll out: To introduce. "We plan to roll out the tool in the May
time frame prior to Beta 2."
RTM: Acronym for the fictional date that a product is scheduled to be
released-to-manufacturing. "We need to push back the RTM again."
RTW: Release To Web; The "Internet Time" analog of RTM.
"We RTW next Tuesday."
Salmon Day: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream
only to get screwed in the end.
Schedule Chicken: Setting an unattainable schedule in the hopes that
another team will slip first and buy you more time. From the teenage game
"chicken" where two cars drive towards each other in a test of nerves
to see who will chicken out and swerve away.
Scrow: To work 70 hour weeks to meet some unrealistic deadline. "The
employees in XBU have scrow regularly to meet bogus deadlines."
Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over
everything and then leaves.
Self Hosed: Installing a daily build of a product that completely ruins,
or "hoses", your machine. A bastardization of "self-hosted,"
which is basically "eating your own dog food" (running the software
you're developing on your own PC).
Self-Toasted: Alternate term for Self-Hosed used by the Win95 group.
Server: Fictional central computer designed to provide employees with a
sure-fire excuse for failing to meet deadlines. "I would have finished but the
damn server's been down all morning."
Share: A portion of a directory on a networked computer which is made
public to the intranet or to certain individuals on the intranet.
Ship Party: Fictional event to celebrate the successful release of a new
product or product version. Rumored to occur long after anyone can remember why.
Shoot in the Head: Remove a feature from a program. "Sure, we can
ship on time, as long as we can shoot the TCP/IP connectivity module in the
head."
Show Stopper: A really big bug. A function, object, or issue important
enough to jeopardize a ship date or schedule in order to correct or include.
"They're offering Dove bars to anyone who finds a show stopper in the latest
beta."
Shrimp & Weenies: Refers to cost cutting strategy. For example,
getting rid of expenses such as lavish parties in favor of smaller scale events.
Single Threaded: Not able to do two things at once. "He's single
threaded, he can't chew gum and walk at the same time." The oppposite is
multi threaded.
SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them
stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two
Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
Slang: Language viewed as cant, argot, or jargon that extends beyond
individual subgroups such as gangsters, hackers, merchant marines, or rockers,
and finds a larger audience. If enough subgroups begin to use a particular word
or expression, it may become slang.
Slime Tree: An oozy, fungal, botanical growth existing only in the
imagination of the new hire overhearing a coworker discussing the file structure
of an SLM (Source Library Manager) share.
Slipping: Euphemism for abjectly failing to hit a deadline.
Smart Guy: The ultimate compliment. "He doesn't shower often, but
he's a real smart guy...OK, let's hire him."
Sneakernet: When all else fails, get up off of your butt and walk to the
cube of the person with the most expertise in the area that you are needing
assistance.
Sniff Test: Also smoke test - refers to testing the daily build of a
product during development; stolen from the electronics industry where people
would plug in a board and see what smoked. (Source: "Is Your Project Out of
Control," by Chris Williams).
Spacordi: The mass of cords strewn underneath your desk (just add sauce).
Square-Headed Girlfriend: Another word for a computer. The victim of a
square-headed girlfriend is a "computer widow."
Squirt the Bird: To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and
talent are ready...what time do we squirt the bird?"
Stake in the Ground: A somewhat grandiose marketing term signifying the
area or market segment that a corporation plans to dominate.
Starter Marriage: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with
no kids, no property, and no regrets.
Story: A publicized plan or strategy for a product or feature not yet
available. Often optimistic, occasionally bordering on the fictitious.
"Most of the people at the developer conference bought into our Java
story." "We don't have a good Mac client story yet."
Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiny.
Swiped Out: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because
the magnetic strip is worn away after extensive use.
Take-away: Not, as might be suspected, food to go, but impressions
gleaned from a meeting or message. "My take-away from his e-mail was that he
wasn't ready to drill down yet."
TBD: Acronym meaning To Be Determined. "That FAQ is TBD."
Telephone Number Salary: A salary (or project budget) that has seven
digits.
Thrashing: Never getting anything done because you are trying to do too
much. Thrashing happens when you do too much context switching. "I went to
that meeting but there was so much context switching that all we accomplished
was a lot of thrashing."
Three-Finger Salute: Process of simultaneously striking Ctrl, Alt, Delete
in order to restart your computer after it freezes up.
Throw Over the Wall: To give a project to another group, with the
implication that you neither will provide support, nor care what they do with
it.
TLA: Three letter acronym.
To drop something on the floor: To silently ignore something, due to
being overloaded, out of stupidity, or possibly even out of malice. "The
server is full, so all new requests are just being dropped on the floor."
The implication is that the sender of the request doesn't even know that the
item is being ignored and thinks the matter is being attended to. Can be applied
metaphorically. "I sent mail to the bug reporting alias but haven't heard
anything from them. Do you think they're just dropping the bug reports on the
floor?" (Etymology is probably from mailroom analogy--A piece of mail that
is dropped on the floor gets swept up by the janitor and is never seen again. In
the context of film and video editing, it could be a reference to throwing a
piece of film away.)
Total Disconnect: An extremely low-bandwidth human interaction. "It
was a total disconnect. I spent half an hour explaining how this stuff worked,
and he just didn't get it."
Tourists: People who are taking training classes just to get a vacation
from their jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the
rest were tourists."
Trash-sitters: People who come into a meeting late and then sit on the
trash receptacles instead of at the table. Usual done in an attempt to remain
aloof from the rest of the participants.
Treeware: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.
Triage: The process of deciding which bugs to fix and which to ignore.
(Originally, the word refers to the prioritization of treatment for patients and
battle and disaster victims, with the least attention being given to those most
likely to die.) At Microsoft, the term has come to mean any decisions about
which elements will be shipped and which will be deferred until the next drop.
Truline: (or Tru-Line) n. (From screenwriting jargon, recently
appropriated for Microsoft purposes.) One-sentence summary of a project's
projected appeal or purpose.
Turn and Burn: Developing a product without debugging tools. Requires you
to build it and then test the whole product at once.
Two-Five: In the Microsoft performance evaluation system, in which a 4 is
excellent and a 3 is OK, a 2.5 is less than acceptable. If you're a two-five,
you've got one foot out the door. "Well, yes, I need more people, but don't
send me another two-five!"
UE: Acronym for User Education. Refers to the documentation team.
"Who owns the tool tips, Dev or UE?"
UI: Acronym for User Interface. The means by which people navigate
through applications and documents on computers. Interfaces can take the form of
textual, graphical, physical, and auditory devices. Often a synonym for buttons,
buttons, and more buttons. "There's nothing intuitive about the new UI. I
can't find anything!"
Under Mouse Arrest: Getting busted for violating an online service's rule
of conduct. "Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse
arrest."
Uninstalled: Euphemism for being fired.
Useless Fluff: The features or functionality of a program that have no
apparent practical purpose. The features and functionality primarily composing
the "useless fluff" of a program were generally created by committee
and/or for purposes other than improving the usability of the program (i.e.
Competition).
Vaporware: A semi-affectionate slang term for software which has been
announced, perhaps even demonstrated, but not delivered to commercial customers.
Hyperware is hardware which has been announced but has not yet been delivered.
Slideware is hardware or software whose reason for existing (eventually) has
been explained in 35-mm slides, foils, charts and/or PC presentation programs.
Slideware is usually less real than vaporware or hyperware, though some people
would argue with this. Allegedly the term vaporware came as a result of the many
delays in releasing Windows after Bill Gates of Microsoft announced it at the
Fall 1983 Comdex show in Las Vegas.
Vesting: Not an uncommon term by itself, but used uniquely at Microsoft
to describe someone who is burned out and underperforming, but waiting for stock
options to vest before leaving the company. "Joe's totally out of it. Why
is he still here? Oh, he's just vesting."
Vpness: Used to describe an employee that was recently promoted who
attempts to exercise one of the more outrageous perks associated with the new
level. "Her VPness is having a dinner party in the Microsoft Home."
Vulcan Nerve Pinch: The taxing hand position required to reach all of the
appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm re-boot for a Mac
II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key,
the Return key, and the Power On key.
Wallcrawlers: Shy Microsofties who walk down the hallways with a shoulder
pressed against the wall and their eyes cast downward.
Warm Fuzzy: A warm fuzzy feeling. If I ask you to give me a warm fuzzy,
I'm asking you to do or say something that will assuage my apprehension about
something. I'm telling you I'm nervous, and that I know it's not really your
business to do or tell me what I'm asking for, but it would make me feel better
if you would.
Wide Distribution: A process in which someone seeking crucial information
("Has anyone seen my Gumby poster?") sends e-mail to thousands of Microsoft
employees and contractors in hopes of finding one individual with the answer. In
anticipation of the inevitable flame mail and death threats that will follow,
such e-mail often begins, "Sorry for the wide distribution, but..."
WIM: Any sort of party or employee morale builder, usually held during
business hours. Taken from the Windows NT group's "Weekly Integration
Meetings" held every Friday as a way to let off steam during the early days
of NT development.
Win: A beneficial event. "Better documentation is a win for both
technical support and for the user."
World Wide Wait: The real meaning of WWW.
Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from a workplace.